Tonight will be my last night in Dana Point, California. We have been here since July and I've been absolutely seduced by the beauty and climate here. My husband has been to many places in the world and he feels the same as I.
My emotions are in a turmoil as we pack up to leave a month sooner than expected and under unexpected circumstances. Just days ago I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer so heading back to our home in Texas seemed the wisest thing to do. Sean will fly back to California to finish his work here, though he will fly into Houston when I have my surgery. It was a decision made by both of us. Although I want him to finish his job...and although I do not feel in the least abandoned by him ...I usually suffer from separation anxiety when forced to be away from him even in the best of times. But I will survive. And he will always be just a phone call away.
I am really trying to be strong and upbeat about all this. And I for the most part feel exactly that. I've already had cancer once before..Renal Cell Carcinoma, a much more serious cancer, which was, thank God, caught before it had spread. But this time...though the cancer is not near as serious I'll loose something far more dear to me than just a kidney. Yes, I'll be ok. I'll be just perfectly fine. But nothing will ever be the same. So, yes, there have been lots of tears and times when I just want to run away.
Fact is though...there is nowhere to run. I actually thought I'd already done that. Left all my problems in Houston by coming to California. I guess you can never run far enough away after all.So...while feeling so sad and down yesterday evening I happened to look out my window saw the beginning of a sunset. We grabbed cameras and headed across the street.
The sea looked like glass. Like softly glowing liquid silver. Luminous and alive. The sky above was awash with pink clouds and Catalina Island was silhouetted in the distance. As we neared we could hear the surf crashing, see the boys holding their surfing boards running in the sand below. The entire image was magical and I was so glad I had the chance to see such a lovely scene before leaving Southern California, the beautiful Pacific, a place I'd be honored to one day call my home.
